Rev. Anna M Pohl
As I studied this course it became very personal to me. Not surprisingly my life began reflecting the lessons and the discourses became indicators for what was going on in my life.
It's ironic that the course tends treats the World View a bit like a task that is very difficult to accomplish, or at least out of the norm for our human sensibilities. The truth for me is quite different.
I find that the totality of our spiritual life and the World View is easy for many of us to include in our practice and service but when it gets personal? Whew! then it becomes a bigger issue. Then any Hollywood drama pails in comparison to the mess we can allow our spiritual life can become.
I've always been a person who followed my intuitions, not because I was any Intuit guru, oh no, but because I was always excited to see where they would lead me. Never being really attached to the outcome I was kind of on a adventure more then a human five sensory life you could say. Except of course in my personal relationships, now that was quite a different story. When I tried to use that in personal relationships well let's just say it was interesting. And even now with all my life work, study and practice it is really not so different, (I'm shaking my head here)
So for this essay I will tell you a story, while I answer the question at hand. Just what did I get out of this Awareness course?
We met at a coffee shop. I was sitting in a nice comfy chair by the window having come in just to use the wifi. I was wondering to myself "Who would leave that just laying around in a chair life that?" The black brief case was sitting across from me kind of tossed there without much care. As the battery slowly died on my laptop I soon found out the answer to my question. He said "Hi" and I said "Hello" it was kind of a strange moment actually as we both donned looks that said more "what the…who's that?"
We didn't speak again till I was leaving and as I passed him on the way out there literally was a clap and a white flash of light. Our eyes connected in a solid rock like gaze and in that second time stopped, literally the rest of the world seemed to be in slow motion, and I said "Good bye" and nodded. He said the same turning in the chair to keep the connection. As I watched myself like an out of body experience my feet slowed and I found myself wondering if he was going to follow me as I walked out the door. He didn't. And I got in my car and drove away.
Of course though I had never been in that coffee shop before that in my life, I ended up back there the next morning and so did he. Synchronicity? Coincidence? That is a Not so Coincidence. This was a meant to be. We found common ground immediately and began a relationship that would take me through the rest of my course.
We began exploring, attempting to make our lives together consciously. We were opening up our personal journeys and we talked constantly about the shift that was happening and how we were to be an interracial part of that in our area. We watched as the world around us began to change by our presence and consciousness. We could walk into a room and the entire tone of the people changed. This couple stopped bickering and began holding hands. That one began to relax and a man actually stopped breathing problems right in front of us. It was so rare.
We discussed what brought us to this point and found more coincidences every day. I had had a vision the morning of the day we met and he had prayed to God for 10 things the day before. His real soul mate was #9. Other things started to happen and the numbers 3, 9 and 11 were showing up for us everywhere. He read the Celestine Prophecy. I had read it before and now was taking this course. What a glorious time of discovery.
It was during the time when I was studying more on how to stay tapped into the universal energy and sharing that our control dramas reared their heads. Fear of rejection took him over and for him it became a violent time, not physically but emotionally and the fall out became the bullets I was dodging more and more. He was the changes as meaning there was something wrong with him and that, that is what I was telling him.
The more intense it got the more it became the same terrorism our instructor talks about in lesson 19 on print page 8. Though she was referring to the world on the whole, fear acts like terrorism. These personal attacks trigger our deepest fears and we are vulnerable. I responded with fight or flight and he reacted through suppression and denial. We did revert back to dualistic thinking and chaos ensued. The whole beautiful vision began to fall apart. I'd forgotten to tap into the greater source and my person was being drained like a tub whose plug has been abruptly pulled. We both began to manipulate our circumstances. Competitions was thick. By the time a few days had passed and I was able to remember myself, I found out later, we had already created a new trigger point in me. This was hit later and compounded the now certain deterioration of our relationship.
Even though we prayed, meditated and tried I was not the same. And he had not yet come to terms with what his responsibility in the situation was. He was cruel and oppressive and I was weekend and fought back.
Trying to become light, happy, buoyant and at peace became more and more a conscious effort instead of reality for me. And each time I attempted a fix or to make peach with the issues it blew up even bigger. I began to be swallowed up by it all and found I needed an escape. Now our personal dramas were the norm and our visions for the work we were going to do faded as our lives became a mess.
Toward the end of our time together we realized how much we Loved each other, here and in the Spiritual plain but we couldn't save us. Upon our parting we held each other consciously filling each other with light on a conscious level and then accepting the thing we feared most, separation.
The habit of control dramas can be devastating. We came to an understanding of these dramas too late it seems. We both believe their will come a day when we will see each other again. And this time we will be prepared to extend the World Vision through ourselves as individuals and with each other. This was a spectacular learning experience. A living drama of the course.
If I could offer something to our students it would be; know yourself, accept where you are in your evolution graciously, and with forgiveness. Recognizing that is paramount. Grow in that knowledge first, so that you can begin healing. This is of the highest importance. Too often we see our level as something wrong with us. Too often we judge ourselves lacking before we even analyze who we are and why.
Take some time to learn yourself. Accept who you are, light and shadow alike. Use your spiritual tools. Send your Love and light out to yourself and all around you. Look at your own beauty. You are a wonderful creation and should be admired just for existing. Yes attempt to find your birth vision, attempt to find your center. But more importantly be joyous and replace fear with Love and contentment whenever and however you can. Then we can begin our work in the World Vision. Only then we become part of the whole.
I have enjoyed this course. I did feel there was a lot stuffed into it and it did veer off subject a bit much sometimes. However it is an invaluable recourse and I appreciate the instructor and the Seminary for creating it. Mother Father God Bless you. My thanks.
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